(Spoilers ahead! Spoilers also if you live on planet Earth and have ever seen a Godzilla movie/army movie/summer blockbuster basically)
15 YEARS AGO
MUTO: What the…?! A whole bunch of miners just fell into my relatively shallow subterranean chamber of dormancy! Lady!! LADY!!! LAAAADDDYYYYYY WAKE UP!! Do you wanna kick it with me to Tokyo?
LADY MUTO: Uuuuuuuugh……….. I’m…. uummm… I need to wash my hair. I’ll meet you when we’re less, you know, pupal?
MUTO: Wurd. Imma go eat some radiation- laters!! *pchew!*
GODZILLA: (awakened, grumpy) YOU GUYS!! SHUT UP!!! SLEEPING ON THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN HERE!! (muttering to self) I’m not really clear on why I hate those guys so much but I really hate those guys!!!
MUTO: *yaaawwwwwwn* OMG I can’t believe I slept for 15 years and meanwhile ate this whole nuclear power plant!! I better motor to find my lady.
Tries to leave, is trapped by steel cables
MUTO: What in the what is… aaahh!! Rude!!
Emits EMP blast, rendering humans useless
MUTO: LOL! Flies away
HUMANS: WTF WINGS?!!?!
MUTO: LADY!!! Laaaaaadddddyyyyyyy!!! Where you at? I totes stole a nuclear submarine!! Want half?
LADY MUTO: I’m in Nevada! OMG I ate a whole mountain of nuclear waste!!! Like literally. A MOUNTAIN.
MUTO: Well I was going to fly over to you but clearly you need to walk that shit off. Meet up in San Fran?
LADY MUTO: Sounds good!! I just have a few Cirque du Soleil shows to step on on my way!
GODZILLA: Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up!!! SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. ARE. SO. ANNOYING!!! DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE OR I WILL TOTALLY ATOMIC BREATHE ON YOU BECAUSE I HATE YOU FOR…. REASONS!!
Starts swimming to Hawaii…. derp derp derp….
MUTO: Loo loo loo I’ll just put my submarine down in this jungle… hey! Jerk!! Stop shooting at me! That stings!
Emits EMP blast, planes fall from sky
MUTO: Can I even eat a plane? I don’t know how I’d digest it since I only eat radiation but ok *chomp chomp* LOL.
MUTO: Hey what’s going on at this luao? Can I hula with you?? Are you all having a nice vacation??
GODZILLA: *emerges from ocean* What did I say? WHAT. DID. I. SAY??
MUTO: Whatever atom-breath!! More like OUT OF BREATH, amirite?? Let’s brawl!!
GODZILLA: What?? No!! I just swam halfway across the damn Pacific ocean!! *PUNCH!*
MUTO: Ahhh! *WHACK!*
Fight ensues, humans are not pleased
MUTO: Hahahahaha you are too old and fat and I have wings. Laters!! *zing!*