No Love for 90s Fashion

So apparently it’s time for 1990s styles to start coming back, thanks to our 20-year cycles of “those who fail to learn from the past are doomed repeat it” fashion.  Jess, Lyn Marie and Pamela are all thinking about revisiting these looks, and I’ll admit to feeling a certain amount of nostalgia for 1990s fashion when I catch re-runs of Boy Meets World (spoiler alert – Cory’s a lot harder to sympathize with as an adult) and early Buffy the Vampire Slayer (thanks, Jess, for getting me hooked!).

But while that’s all well and good, here’s why I won’t be joining in on the fun…

Exhibit A – 1996 Yearbook Club photo

I’m third from the right in the top row, wearing a baggy t-shirt and leggings (which, as you’ll see, is a recurring theme…).

Exhibit B – 1996 Oboe & Flutes photo

That’s me, again, second from the right in the middle row, rocking a terrible shirt, an awful haircut and the world’s most duck-sounding instrument.  But the real icing on the cake is…

Exhibit C – 1996 Knowledge Master team photo

Yep, ladies and gentlemen – that’s a full-on unibrow.  (Not that the scraggly hair, giant-ass softball shirt and enthusiastic participation on the nerd squad are doing 90s-me any favors…).

I’d say that I wish I could find more pictures of my 1990s style to show you beyond my 1996 middle school yearbook, but that’s a lie.  If I do find them, I going to burn them so that my future children won’t look back on them and assume they’re genetically-predisposed to sartorial failure.

I swear, I’m normal-looking now.  I’m not going to be winning any “Best Dressed” awards, but at least the clothing I wear demonstrates that my body shape is something other than “rectangle” and my hair doesn’t so closely resemble Lindsey Lohan’s extensions (on most days, that is).

So while the rest of y’all can go on and experiment with the “new” 90s fashions, I respectfully decline to participate.  If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here writing about internet stuff and getting out of work, as I’m obviously disqualified from offering this blog fashion advice 🙂


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