I will not get sick! (and so can you!)

I am not sick. Not today. I tend to have a pretty robust immune system, but I work with people. And people be dirty. And what is up with people who come to work sick?? Are YOU sick? GO HOME. You have sick hours. GO.

I am not sick today but I feel like sick is peering at me, with one intrigued eyebrow raised, from around the corner. Is my chest feeling congested? Throat, are you thinking about being sore? Is that a little ache I feel in my neck? Headache, no one invited you.

Everyone has their personal tried-and-true illness remedies, but mine are the best*:

Thieves Spray by Young Living

Apparently, during the plague, thieves would cover themselves in lemons and rosemary and cinnamon and were able to loot the houses of the ill without contracting the plague themselves. Who am I to argue with plague survivors?! I like to spritz this in my scarf or on the inside of my shirt on the daily- it’s a good scent for fall, all potpourri-like and shit, very festive. I also keep some in my office to spray at sick co-workers like I’m warding off vampires with holy water. People commenting on Amazon apparently like to spray it right in their throats! I have been too chicken to try this-it’s kind of spicy!- but I wonder if it would dress up some rum? This is also the. best. bathroom deodorizer ever. Ten dollars well spent.


I also keep this in my desk to throw over my cube walls at co-workers. Seriously, they are ALWAYS SICK. I like the super orange flavor because it is a) orange and b) super. Also it’s way cheap at Trader Joe’s.

Chinese Take-out

Are you supposed to feed a cold? Because I do. Here’s where I should put in some science about the immune-boosting powers of garlic or how ginger reduces nausea and inflammation. So there you go. But really, I crave nasty cheap Chinese take-out when I’m illin’. Greasy, carb-tastic, and never-ending lo mein, pot-stickers, and wonton soup. I almost always feel better after, or at least fall into a deep food coma and that distracts me from being sick.

Crap TV

Who am I kidding- I like crap TV any day! But when you’re sick, you don’t want to bog down your system with TV that is news, or learning, or things that are going to stress you out. RELAX. There is always an ANTM marathon on, or some other crap show that you hate-watch because deep down it makes you feel better about yourself. Give in. Embrace it. You’re sick! It’s medicinal.

What are your go-to remedies? I’m also a fan of tea, or cake, or sterilizing my insides with wine. That works, right?

*Jess is not a doctor and has 3/4 of a bottle of wine to get to.

One thought on “I will not get sick! (and so can you!)

  1. Pingback: Kung Flu | Seven Thirty One

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